Vijay Khurana – The passenger seat
‘What did you tell Sisi?’, asks Adam. Teddy says: ‘Nothing. We don’t even know how long we’ll be away. Might only be a few nights. She probably won’t even notice I’m gone. What did you tell your dad?’ That sounds weird to Adam, like Teddy has a girlfriend and Adam just has his father. But it gives him the chance to tell Teddy that he hasn’t told Michael anything either. That his dad is going to get home tonight and wonder where he is.
Poor Teddy, Adam finds himself thinking when he drives. Poor Teddy. Because he keeps falling asleep for a few seconds or a minute, but always wakes up again before long. They haven’t had more than a pissbreak after the gas station, which feels like days ago. The sun is already heavy and looming above the truck and the inside of Adams door is too hot for his elbow. When he noticed Teddy started to nod, he turned the music down to a low buzz. Just loud enough so he wouldn’t have to drive in complete boredom…. Poor Teddy, not because he keeps falling asleep, but because he keeps waking up
Teddy shifts in his seat, ignoring the map, which covers his knees like a blanket. He leans against his window and softly – so Adam can only just hear it – bumps his head against the glass, slowly, again and again. Adam wants to tell him to cut it out, but he is not sure he has the energy. Probably Teddy is only doing it because he wants Adam to get angry. Probably Teddy needs someone to be mad at him right now.
Teddy is the one who initiates it. After struggling out of his greasy jeans, he wants this to feel mythical, pure, with no mediation between his body and the thick dark water. Despite everything, he has not managed to destroy the childish belief that he can submerge himself and then come to the surface in some way changed. Water is always promising that. Of course he doesn’t tell Adam what to do, but once he says ‘Fuck this. I am taking everything off’ he has issued a challenge of sorts. Adam can follow along or not, but any objection to nakedness would only point the finger at himself.
He once saw Teddy on that bridge. Maybe the other kid was there too. Apparently they went everywhere together that final summer. Elisabeth said she didn’t know what Teddy saw in him. But you don’t choose your friends, not really. They knock against you in the current and snare. And you either shake free or you don’t.
